Author: eveliens/eeevee
Genre : humor/ romance (?)
Characters: America, Canada, Russia; one-sided RussiaxAmerica, CanadaxRussia
Rating: T for language and implied sexual situations
Warnings: snarky!Canada, human names, college AU
Summary: Matthew had thought this over a million times, now he just had to voice his idea. He cleared his throat and whispered, “Hey, you want my twin brother, I like you; I think we can work something out here.”
A/N: If there's any character you'd like to see a cameo of, please let me know! And if you have headcannon to go with them in this setting, fire away! I have tentative plans for Ludwig, Katerina and Toris so far.
Part Three
Matthew couldn’t help glancing out of the corner of his eye. Locker rooms were a gift from God. Especially ones that included showers. Which he hoped Ivan would be using after the game. It had taken some hard convincing (okay, bribing, Matthew knew those old Marvel comics would come in handy; sometimes being a bit of a packrat was helpful… and he did too know where his socks were) to get Alfred to agree to a friendly game. Actually, when Matthew causally brought it up, Alfred’s eyes grew wide and he dropped his hamburger out of his mouth (pre-chewed, that’s how shocked he was).
‘Hell no. No, definitely hell no! Mom told you to be nice to me! She did! And beating me to a bloody, sobbing pulp and knocking out my gorgeous smile is not being nice to me!’
In the end, Alfred not only managed to reserve the rink (he said it was his charming good looks but it’s not like half the school didn’t know he slept with the owner’s daughter) but convinced several people to come play and watch. Trust Alfred to be the victim of his own ego—he just had to have an audience, didn’t he? Cue the whine fest after he was toasted. Maybe that was his angle, sympathy sex.
“You ready for this, big guy? I know Mattie probably bullied you into this. He loves hockey.” Alfred shot his brother a dark look. Ivan shook his head, “I wish to play.”
“Who are you interested in now Al?” Matthew asked, snapping back into reality as more gear went over Ivan. He knew one of the easiest ways to derail Alfred’s bitching was to either mention football, drinking or girls… or make it physically impossible for him to speak. “Is she here?”
Alfred sighed, suddenly looking moonstruck and dismayed at the same time. He sighed again, even louder, and put out his bottom lip. Moodily tugging on a sock, he replied, “She doesn’t like sports.”
“Well, what does she like?”
Ivan frowned and Matthew cringed a little. He hated rubbing it in Ivan’s face that Alfred was chasing skirts. But there was a reason they teased that Alfred had a girlfriend of the week. They rarely lasted longer than that (Matthew surmised this was because he insisted on talking about hamburgers during sex; nothing to make a lady feel special like being compared to the fatty goodness of cow flesh). Alfred sighed again.
“Knives.”
Uh, what?
Ivan took a tiny step back. Alfred sighed again and Matthew was about to remove his lungs for him.
“She’s totally out of my league. I mean, she looks like a china doll. Beautiful porcelain skin, bleach blonde hair, icy blue eyes.” With every description Ivan took another tiny step back until he was flush against the lockers looking like a cornered bunny. “Total babe. Acts like a princess too.”
“With a knife fetish?” Matthew questioned his brother’s sanity at times but this took the cake.
“Yeah, that’s hot. Too bad she’s not into guns. But knives and swords are cool too.” Alfred happily agreed with a dreamy smile.
“What is this girl’s name?” Ivan whispered and Matthew cocked an eyebrow.
Alfred completely ignored the Russian’s odd behavior, “Natalia.” He seemed to consider this for a moment, “Huh, that’s Russian too, right? Or, you know, somewhere over there. Italian? Whatever, same difference.” Matthew didn’t tell Alfred that Russia and Italy weren’t even close to the same country. Ivan was starting to look like he was ready to bail and inching towards the door.
“Ivan. What’s wrong?”
Matthew was startled to see tears collecting in the corner of Ivan’s eyes. Alfred seemed just as shocked because his stood there catching flies with his mouth.
“I thought… America… how could she… no… maybe it is someone else. There are many blondes in America, da?” Ivan babbled, twitching nervously. Matthew tentatively placed a hand on Ivan’s shoulder and the Russian jumped violently and wailed, “I do not wish to marry her! She is scary! My parents… there is no legacy to continue!”
“Er, what?” Alfred scratched his head and idly picked up a skate. Trust Alfred to lose interest in the middle of a breakdown. An emotional wingman he was not. “You know Nat?” Again with the unflattering nicknames. Matthew hoped he didn’t try to woo her with it. Girls didn’t appreciate sounding like an insect.
“Ivan, calm down. What do you mean?” Matthew asked, trying to sound soothing. He steered Ivan towards a bench and sat him down. Ivan resisted slightly before going boneless against Matthew’s pelvis. Awk~ward~… Matthew subtly shifted and tentatively patted Ivan’s head.
Ivan pressed against him silently for a few more minutes, earning strange looks from the other players and no attention from Alfred. Then he slowly raised his head and brushed away a bit of tear from his cheek.
“Alfred.”
“Umm, how does this thing go on again?” Alfred asked, wrestling with the padding, “Damn thing’s so complicated. You should just use football padding.”
“Alfred!”
“Huh, what? Jeez, you don’t have to yell at me. I’m right here. What is it big guy?” Alfred looked up and gave a smile. Matthew resisted the urge to reach across Ivan and fix his straps. He managed to resist for a few more seconds before grabbing the snaps and fixing his brother’s helmet. No need to damage his one and a half functioning brain cells.
“Where… where did you meet this… Natalia?”
“Oh… er, she was sitting outside on the steps of the History building.” Ivan gulped. “She said she was waiting for someone. Oh, then she asked if I knew any Russian exchange students… so I told her about you! And, um, invited her to this hockey game. If she showed up that’d be totally awesome. I’ve got some super sweet moves!”
It took less than thirty seconds for Ivan to throw Matthew to the side and grab Alfred by the shirt front. He held the blond boy above the ground and shoved him into a row of lockers with a metal clang. Matthew felt the laughter tickling at his throat and groaned. This was serious and he was going to laugh like a demented hyena on crack?
“This is very bad.” Ivan hissed in Alfred’s face, looking desperately unhappy. “I cannot play if she is here. She cannot see me. She cannot know I am here! And it is your fault!”
Matthew took a quick step forward. He really didn’t want to see Ivan hurt Alfred. Partly because his brother was a big baby and would be milking the sympathy for weeks, which would be disgusting, and partly because he knew Ivan would have a hard time forgiving himself, let alone convincing the local police he didn’t really mean to shatter Alfred’s collarbone and try to murder him. Oh, and it would make it super awkward for Ivan to keep stalking Alfred if there was a restraining order.
Wait… that… never mind.
Matthew was a better person than that… he was… really.
“Hey, everyone needs to calm down, eh? Ivan, please put Alfred down…” Matthew considered adding gently but he wasn’t that good of a person. Besides, it kind of was Alfred’s fault, even if he did it on accident. “And tell us who this Natalia is… then we can help you.”
“Natalia is my fiancée.” Ivan said glumly, still holding Alfred up against the lockers absentmindedly.
“Oh, dude, sorry! I didn’t know she was your chick.” Alfred groaned theatrically and with obvious disappointment. “I totally wasn’t intending to get up into your lady.”
Oh how noble… he was so missing the fact that Ivan was terrified. Matthew rolled his eyes and wondered how his brother hadn’t been hit by a bus yet. As a prank, Arthur had insisted that he ‘read the atmosphere.’ Alfred spent a week hounding the librarian for the book he was sure was being hidden from him.
“No. No. No! I do not want to marry her!” Ivan paused to catch his breath, “My parents… they are friends with her parents. It was decided that we were to be married. She… adores me… but she’s so scary! I came to America to delay the wedding.”
“So she’s not your lady? I can hit on her? Score!”
“We don’t even know if this is the same Natalia, right? So maybe we should peek?” Matthew suggested logically. He figured someone should be logical. It sucked to be the responsible one. They were going to rue the day when Matthew snapped, when he decided enough was enough. An evil chuckle echoed in his mind.
Ivan violently shook his head, hair whipping in his face wildly. “I will not let her see me!”
What kind of animal was this girl to have Ivan gibbering like Alfred when faced with a needle? Matthew imagined the possibilities, but all he could come up with was a crazy blond manazon. He took a deep breath, summoning his courage, and bravely volunteered to go out.
“Here!” Alfred wiggled around in Ivan’s death grip to produce his new phone. He cradled it in his palm like a baby for a few seconds before holding it out to Matthew, “You’ll need this for verification purposes!”
Matthew stared at him before shouting, “I’m not taking a picture because you want one and don’t want to get sliced into mince meat!”
Ivan, who eyed the phone suspiciously, finally realized what it was for. He dissolved into almost-tears again and whispered, “Please Matvey! I must be sure.”
Matthew gave a deer-in-the-headlights look at Ivan. How could he say no to that? The man was desperate, and he needed Matthew’s help. Someone needed his help, only he can help them, and that someone was his crush!
He sighed in defeat and Alfred gave him a thumbs up. That bastard, he did that on purpose! Wait… Matthew scrutinized his brother’s beaming face… how much did the fuckwit know?
“See, even Ivan agrees!” Alfred grinned enthusiastically. Was Matthew imagining the knowing twinkle in his vapid blue eyes? God, was he so transparent that Alfred, who couldn’t see a jellyfish, had found him out? If so, then Ivan had to know… and that was just pathetic. Matthew hung his head and started to walk away, “You two get along so well… oh my God, that’s so gay!”
Matthew’s face burned with embarrassment. He wished he were a turtle, so he could hide in his shell. Or better yet, a rotifer; rotifers were cool and they didn’t have stupid crushes or brothers. How could his dense-as-diamonds brother have found out? He resolutely kept walking, barely realizing he had the phone in-hand and that he was still only half dressed. Instead he wondered how the world and universe was so wrong and cruel.
Part Five
No comments:
Post a Comment